Friday, October 31, 2003
After Work, I...
Speaking in whispers, moving in time...
Bright flickers from the television flood the eyes... the moving pictures paralyzing my body from any meaningful activity, distracting my mind from its usual sorrowing banter...
Hours fly blindly by as sleepiness and hunger begin to set in...the hunger signs are ignored, since such relief would require motivation to drive to the store...
With thoughts freshly occupied with the latest antics of "Jackass", I head to the bedroom, hopeful for an evening of rest and relaxation...
Burying deep under the blankets, vivid images appear in the darkness...
He came to my work to see me the other day. I have to say I was surprised to see him..I honestly thought he wanted to berate me, to tell me where I could go. But he just smiled.
"Hey, I want that new game on the XBox..you got it?"
"Yeah. What in the hell are you doing here?"
"I got the day off, so I decided to go around looking for the game. No one else has it, so here I am..how's it going?"
"Okay, I guess.."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I don't know, it's just..."
He smiles again.
"Don't worry about it...hey, what time do you get off? We can clear up all the stupid shit that happened...how about it? You don't have to if you don't want..."
This time I smile.
"No, it's okay, I think I can fit you into my schedule...I get off at five, can you meet with me then?"
"I suppose.."
He then winks, takes his shopping bag and with a small wave he leaves...
We meet later at a restaurant, where I tell him everything that is wrong with me. Somehow through my tearful explanation he seems to understand. I invite him to my next therapy session, and he eagerly agrees to go with me. At the therapy session he is able to see the "real me" and with this deeper understanding of each other, we drift off into the sunset together...
I then slam back into reality at about this point, and my mind heads into an intense one-on-one battle with itself...
"There's something really wrong, normal people don't feel this way ( that's why you're in therapy..you're very brave in coming here today), I need someone to touch me, to make me feel alive (you'll eventually meet people..why don't you join a gym?) em>,I'm so lonely, I don't know what to do (don't worry, it'll get better)..."
Emotions from the battle escalate until I begin to sob...
Countless tears and several anxiety attacks later, the mind drifts into a fitful sleep state, awakened minutes later by the alarm clock ringing...
"There was a study done on infants who are deprived of human affection or even touch...do you know what happened to them, Sherri? That's right...they died."--the therapist
- posted by Sherri @ 10/31/2003 08:17:00 PM